Chuck vs a Different Kind of Pain
by HHr Its what i believe
Summary: Chuck needed to explain himself to Sarah, face to face. Set before American Hero. An AU/songfic of sorts. Sorry for the crappy summary. Hope ya'll enjoy!


**Chuck vs a Different Kind of Pain**

**A/N**: This was written when I was in a low, dark kind of place. Been there for a few weeks and I decided to try and get myself out of the funk by writing a Chuck/Sarah story. My friend inspired me by telling me to listen to this song, so I dedicate it to her. Now for those of you, yes Corey that means you, that are probably worried about the angst, don't worry it will have a happy ending. I couldn't end it without fluff. I hope you like it, it's my first time writing a fic like this. No beta so their will most likely be mistakes.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Chuck or this song, sung by Cold.

_

* * *

Before I let you go__  
__Give me just one more night to show you__  
__Just how I feel__  
__I lost all my control__  
__If it takes my whole damn life__  
__I'll make this up to you_

Chuck walked down the hallway of the hotel that she called home since she was assigned to protect him and knocked on Sarah's door, and waited patiently until she answered.

"Chuck?" she asked lightly, her voice sounding unused, and a bit scratchy like she had been crying.

"Yeah, it's me. I uh- I just needed to see you. I need to explain myself. I didn't do it right in Prague. I've let it go too long without explaining. I-I let you go too soon." Chuck said all at once, he noticed Sarah's wince at the mention of what happened in Prague.

"_It's not that simple. You don't know who you're working for. It's complicated. Nothing is real. This," __Sarah said grabbing Chuck's hand. "__…this is simple. This is a real life... We have to go Chuck... Are you coming?_

_There was a __long pause before Chuck let go of Sarah's hand__, "I can't. I'm sorry."_

Sarah sighed before stepping aside to let him in.

"Thank you," Chuck said walking into her room. He looked around before deciding to just stand and talk to her.

"What do you want Chuck?" Sarah asked with a steely voice, standing as far away from him as she could. He realized that her guard was completely back up, one that he had worked so hard to break down and he messed it all up.

"I'm so sorry Sarah. I-I hurt you. I know that. I just need you to know, that I never meant to do that. I wanted to be the guy that you deserve. So please, just let me make it up to you Sarah. Please, I have to try and if it takes me forever then so be it." Chuck said walking over to her. Sarah looked down at her feet, her shoulders sagged and then hitched. She looked back up at Chuck with tears in her eyes.

_Kind of like the waves__  
__That roll their whole life towards somewhere__  
__Crashing on the shore__  
__It's blown in by the wind__  
__that carries the clouds to hide__  
__My wish on a fallen star_

"I trusted you Chuck. I was willing to run away with you, throw my entire career away for you Chuck. Was that not enough for you? Was I not enough for you? Damn it Chuck. I-I," Sarah seemed to shrink within herself. "I love you Chuck, but you chose to become a spy over being with me. Do you know how long I've wanted to be with you? I know I've hurt you, but I thought there at the end you finally realized how I felt. I mean, at the hotel in Barstow, dancing together at Ellie's reception…didn't you feel it? I've never felt this way about anyone Chuck. That night, when I told you to wish on that star, I made a wish too, I wanted us to finally have a way to be together. When you got the Intersect out…I finally thought we had a chance. You weren't my asset anymore, I wasn't bound by the rules anymore and then you went and re-uploaded the Intersect again. I tried to get you to run away and you say no? How could I not be hurt Chuck? How can I let you in again?" Sarah ranted with tears streaming down her face.

"Sarah, you once asked me to trust you. Now I'm asking you to trust me. I will never hurt you again," Chuck pleaded.

_Sarah, who watched him from her car all night, started walking towards the spot he was at on the beach. _

"_How long have you been here?" Chuck asked. She placed her shoes on the ground and sat beside him._

"_All night," Sarah replied. He was looking out at the waves crashing on the shore._

"_There's nowhere I can run is there?" _

"_Not from us," She turned to look at him. "Talk to me Chuck,"_

"_Yesterday I was making eleven bucks an hour fixing computers… now I have one in my brain. And I can't figure out why Bryce did this, why he chose me?" He paused briefly. "What are you going to do with me? What happens now?"_

_Sarah took a breath, "For now you go back to your own life. We'll protect you and you'll work with us,"_

"_My sister, my friends, are they in danger?"_

"_Tell them nothing to keep them safe," She looked out at the water, "I need you to do one more thing for me," She looked back at him._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Trust me Chuck," her eyes shining, as if to beg him to believe her. He smiled the first, albeit halfway, smile since before all of the bomb defusing, guns, and chasing._

_A different kind of pain__  
__Is someone there to hold you?__  
__Is someone there to take you away from me?_

_A different kind of pain__  
__Is someone there to hold you?__  
__Is someone there to take you away from me?__  
_

"Chuck things have changed now. You were with Hannah. I had-I moved on. I'm with Shaw now Chuck, you know that." Sarah said unconvincingly, trying to change the subject. _Those damned soulful brown eyes of his. _

"I know. Hannah was a mistake Sarah, I shouldn't have played with her feelings like that. She could never be you." He said.

"Chuck…"

"It's true. No matter how much I tried to deny it, no other woman compares to you Sarah. You will be the only one for me."

Sarah sighed again, with a slight hiccup from the tears.

_I tried to let you go__  
__I wish I could turn back time and show__  
__You just how I feel__  
__I needed you to know__  
__If it takes my whole damn life__  
__I'll make this up to you_

"I know I'm supposed to be happy for you, that you have someone that can protect you and won't hurt you like I did, but Sarah…I don't think I can be happy unless I'm that guy." Chuck pleaded.

"_What can I say I have a type" Sarah said. _

"You were that guy Chuck, but you're changing…you're becoming something I didn't want for you,"

"I'm still the same guy Sarah, I'm still me," He said with tears coming to his eyes. "I wish I could go back and take back what I said, everything I ever did that drove you away,"

_Kind of like the waves__  
__That roll their whole life towards somewhere__  
__Crashing on the shore__  
__It's blown in by the wind__  
__That carries the clouds to hide__  
__My wish on a fallen star_

_Sarah smiled as Ellie and Devon said their vows. Her ear piece crackled to life._

"_You're not coming with me are you?" Bryce said speaking into his watch, peering from his hiding spot on the dunes, looking through his binoculars down at the beautiful wedding taking place on the beach. _

_Sarah glanced at Chuck and then shook her head negatively. She looked at Chuck, he looked back at her smiling, and at that moment she could picture them being normal and being together. She found that she desired that more than she ever could imagine she ever would, more than she ever thought she had a right to. The waves crashing upon the shore was exactly how she felt, the emotions she felt for Chuck were crashing down upon her. She felt happy, desire, peace, and for the first time in a very long time, she felt love. She made up her mind to tell Chuck at the reception that she wasn't going to go with Bryce and that she wanted to stay with him._

Chuck then focused on something she said before, "Wait. You told me you were going away with Bryce. Why would you think we could be- were you going to stay?"

Sarah laughed wryly, "Now he gets it. Yes Chuck, I was going to tell you while we were dancing but then your dad interrupted me,"

"So what Bryce said was true. You weren't going to go." Chuck hit himself on the forehead.

"You mean Bryce told you? And you never said anything to me?" Sarah said getting angry.

Chuck saw the signs and held his hands up in surrender, "Hey now, I was a bit overwhelmed with the new Intersect, plus I thought I heard him wrong. I hoped and dreamed it was true, but I just assumed that after I uploaded the Intersect again you had to stay, and that you were mad at me for that. I had no clue that you were mad at me for the upload."

Sarah stepped closer and grabbed his hands, "Chuck, I never had any problem with staying. I had a problem with being bound by the rules again. I couldn't tell you how I felt, I couldn't show you how I felt," he started rubbing the back of her hands.

"What about now? I'm an agent anyway and they don't seem to frown on that. Well, not as much as handler/asset anyway," Chuck asked.

"It's not exactly against protocol for two agents to be involved with each other." Sarah said.

_A different kind of pain__  
__Is someone there to hold you?__  
__Is someone there to take you away from me?_

Sarah looked down at their connected hands. "You know, throughout this whole campaign of getting me back, you've never told me how you felt,"

Chuck looked hopeful, "I didn't think I had the right to. I mean, you are with Shaw…"

Sarah dropped his hands and crossed the room to her phone. Chuck looked crushed. Sarah dialed Shaw's number, "Hey. It's not working out for me. Hope this doesn't affect work. I just can't, I almost feel like you're trying to replace something and I just can't do it anymore. I have feelings for someone else anyway… No not Casey! Just because my psych profile says I tend to fall for the guys I work with does not mean I always do. Shaw! Just let it go. You were stiff on dates anyway, almost like a piece of wood. Goodbye Shaw," Sarah hung up the phone and took the battery out, tossing it across the room. She turned back to Chuck and he had the hugest grin on his face. He crossed the room and picked her up in his arms, twirling them around. Sarah was laughing, Chuck's enthusiasm was contagious. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she looped her arms around his neck. "So what will it be Chuck, nothing is stopping you now," Sarah smiled.

He looked up at her with love shining in their eyes, "I love you Sarah Walker. I want to be with you, if you'll have me?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Sarah grinned. She lowered her head and gently kissed him. It quickly became passionate when she ran her fingers through his hair holding her to her. Sliding her lips over his, he opened his mouth under hers and felt air.

He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him. He set her down on her feet. "What's wrong?"

_A different kind of pain__  
__Is someone there to hold you?__  
__Is someone there to take you away from me?_

"Are you sure I'm what you want?" Sarah asked.

"What? Of course I am. How can you ask that?" Chuck said incredulously.

"Let's see, Lou, Jill, Hannah, all brunettes by the way… I just, I don't want to start this, open up to you, and then get my heart broken, again."

"They were all mistakes. I was stupid. Lou happened because you told me that we couldn't be anything, I didn't know back then that you could fight off the effects of the truth serum, but she was normal, which was something I thought I wanted. Jill was familiar. I thought I was over her and then when she came back, but when she tried to kill you that ended it for me. Not only was she a traitor to this country but she tried to kill the woman I love. Hannah was just a fling, you were still mad at me and I saw how Shaw looked at you. They couldn't compare to you. Yeah, they were all brunettes, but you see, I didn't stay with them for very long, I always wanted you. From Vicky Vale on, you were the one I wanted to be with." Chuck said, willing her to believe him. Sarah just stood there, speechless, and tears were forming in her eyes. Chuck noticed and just had to ask, "Are you sure I'm what You want? You don't want another spy like Bryce or…Shaw"

That snapped her out of it. "Of course Chuck. I love you, you make me a real person again, instead of just some other nameless spy. I fell for you way before you became a spy. Bryce was just familiar, for lack of a better term, I loved him like a partner and a friend, but not like I love you. I definitely do not love Daniel or want to be with anyone like him. He's completely emotionless and frankly just quite boring, I think he was just using me anyway. You are real, you have broken down every wall and barrier I put up to protect myself, and you've made it so I can't live without you. I love you Chuck Bartowski and I promise if you'll have me I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you," Sarah said grabbing his hands.

"Why that sounded like a proposal Ms. Walker," Chuck grinned.

Sarah smirked, "I will leave the proposals to you Mr. Bartowski, I'll expect nothing less than your absolute best efforts,"

"Come on, it's me we're talking about here. Prepare yourself Sarah Walker, you will be heart-warmed," Chuck smiled when Sarah just grinned and pulled him down to her for a kiss. She backed them up to her couch and pushed Chuck down and sat in his lap.

"I love you Chuck," Sarah said staring into his warm chocolate eyes.

"I love you too Sarah," Chuck said. He lightly trailed his fingers across her cheek and into her hair, pulling her close and gently kissing her. As they pulled away she sighed in contentment.

"I could definitely get used to this," She said resting her head on his shoulder.

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Hope ya'll enjoyed it!


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